It is now beginning of September. Autumn is slowly starting at home. I imagine the trees losing their leaves and the nights getting longer and colder again. I imagine myself starting to put on my sweaters and getting the thicker jackets out of the wardrobe. I imagine what I would do on a sunny fall day in Berlin. And what I would do on a rainy Sunday. I imagine all of this while I'm in Canggu in Bali. I'm lying on the beach, the sun is shining and there's hardly a cloud in the sky. Surfers are riding the waves, dogs are running along the beach and playing in the water and people are laughing. Nobody seems to be unhappy or stressed here. It's a completely different way of life. I enjoy the peace and quiet. The relaxation of just lying on the beach, reading a book and listening to the sound of the waves.
Last week was my birthday. I am now 24 and for the first time I spent my birthday without my family and friends. Without my mom baking me a cake and my sister drawing me a picture. Without sitting together with my cousins and my grandmas and talking about life. Without going to a bar or a party with my friends. Without knowing in advance what I was going to do. I wasn't expecting anything big and I honestly didn't want anything big. I was looking forward to spending my birthday mostly alone and on the beach. But it actually turned out to be quite a full day. I booked surf lessons at the hostel I'm staying at. So we spent the whole day on the beach and I tried to learn how to surf. Much harder than I expected. I thought I had an advantage because I can snowboard, but that wasn't really the case. I still had fun though and maybe one day I'll be a good surfer. After I'd had a bit of a rest back at the hostel, it was time to party. I met some really great people at the hostel, who helped me have a really nice birthday.
I am very proud of myself for taking this step and starting my new year in a new place. Without knowing what will happen in the coming days, weeks and months. Without knowing whether I'll get homesick in a few weeks and book a flight back to Berlin or whether I'll still be away from home in six months' time. Let alone where I am, which places I will visit and which new people will enter my life.
I've been in Indonesia for a month now and have been alone for about a week. And even though I didn't know how I would feel, I didn't expect to feel so comfortable. So free and full of energy and yet so balanced at the same time. A feeling that I had hoped for for so long and yet never achieved. A feeling that feels good. A feeling that I wish for everyone and that everyone should strive for in life. We don't deserve external influences to make us feel differently and maybe even turn us into a different person.
I feel like sometimes we don't realize how much western societal pressure influences and changes us because we are already used to it. It's been part of us since we were born. Even if we are still too young to actively perceive and understand it, it has a passive effect on us. Through our parents, kindergarden, school and everyday life. And above all through the media, which still teaches us what we should look like, what success means and how important material luxury is. For me, Canggu and Bali unfortunately embody the latter far too much. There are countless villas, boutiques and fancy restaurants here. People wear expensive and very chic clothes and spend their days at the day club. I'm not including everyone here, of course, but it's a general image that the place gives me. And I don't want to follow this vibe on my trip. I want to create a connection with nature and the sea. I want to learn more about myself. I want to grow and come back stronger than before. I want to gather and store energy so that I can give my family and friends the love they deserve. I am doing this trip primarily for myself, but also for them. Because as the saying goes: you can only really give love to others when you love yourself. And that is my goal for the journey.
I don't yet know what I need or have to do to achieve it, but as we all know, the journey is the reward. I will find my way and I will not put any pressure on myself. I will take my time and I will do what my heart tells me, because it has not received enough attention from me in the past. It deserves to be heard and, above all, heeded. My heart deserves that I rely on it and listen to it. It deserves to get what it is calling for.
Let's make it our goal together to listen to our heart more. Far too often, we ignore its thoughts or even calls. Far too often we go through our everyday lives in a cerebral way. Let's change this together!
What is your heart screaming for?
Love, Shirley
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